It’s Monday evening and I just got back from a Bikram yoga session at Bikram Hot Yoga Daly City. It was one hour and 30 minutes of hard breathing and lots-and-lots of sweating. HOLY MOLY, the sweat was everywhere!
I remember doing Bikram yoga with some church friends a couple years ago. It was something like 20 bucks for 10 ten days of trying out the classes (for new students). I think I went 3 or 4 times.
This deal was through Living Social for 20 bucks. I have 30 days to attend the classes up to 20 times. We’ll see how often I go. If I can go at least 15 times, I’ll be super impressed with myself.
It is kind of amazing how much I was breathing and how hard my heart was beating (every time I was laying on my stomach with my cheek on the mat, I could feel my heart beating in my ear as well as in my chest, dangit). During the session? I felt uncomfortable but it’s because I was being challenged to stretch further and push myself. Sounds good, yeah?
[One thing I was thinking about during the backbends was STROKES. I heard that there were some women who had a stroke after strenuous yoga with lots of backbends and such. I looked it up just now and there are other ones that say things like chiropractic manipulations and spin classes could up yours risks, too. In that case, we shouldn't do ANYTHING. Instead, I think it's good to know about the signs of stroke, just so you know what to look out for ;) ]
I had a pretty healthy lunch:
An egg-and-cheese sandwich (made with sandwich thins and pretty much the most perfectly fried egg everrr) with a good helping of sriracha sauce. Those cherry tomatoes were sooooo sweet and delicious! I also got out about 6 Wheat Thins (Sun-dried Tomato and Basil).
Then later on, when I got hungry, I started consuming everything in site. A granola bar, about two more servings of Wheat Thins, another egg and cheese sandwich, and a Skinny Cow ice cream bar.
Now if you know me or have been following this blog, you know that I had a complicated relationship with food (anorexia, bulimia, bingeing). Although I am pretty much free of the bulimia aspect, I easily fall into over-eating and guilt-driven eating.
This is usually taboo and no one really likes to talk about it because it’s shameful. WELL, I’M TALKING ABOUT IT. I just want you to know that you’re not alone (or if you have never had issues with this, then you have been greatly blessed!).
So I wouldn’t say I’m much of an obsessive compulsive over eater, but I WOULD say that I display signs of disordered eating here and there. Disordered eating? You can take this little quiz from Self magazine to see if you may be at risk.
“Disordered Eating – Any abnormal eating pattern, ranging from less extreme to extreme behaviors. Disordered eating includes a collection of interrelated eating habits; weight management practices; attitudes about food, weight and body shape; and physiological imbalances. Disordered eating includes classic eating disorders (anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder) as well as eating patterns of lesser severity.” (source)
My attitudes about food can vary. At some point, I will tip over and feel like I’ve just ruined the whole day and decide to dive head-first into whatever bag of chips or carton of ice cream I started and just polish it off. Luckily, I will try to start fresh the next day and not fall into the binge-purge cycle. Still. It super sucks right after because I am overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and self-hatred.
I try to keep it positive on the blog (of course! I don’t want to bring ya’ll down and make you feel bad about life), but I bring up this thing that I struggle with once in while just to get the conversation started… and to let others who are struggling with it to see that you are not the only one working through these issues.
“Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full.” So simple, but so hard for people with eating-disorder-related problems.
I know God will heal me fully from this one day. He has been slowly building me up to be stronger and freeing me from the chains of disordered eating. He has also encouraged me to share my struggles and to break the shackles of silence (I believe I “hid” my eating disorder so well when I was in high school- except for the fact that I dropped 30 pounds in like 2.5 months- by never ever talking about it. I had no idea HOW to talk about these thoughts and feelings… how I wrestle with something that should be so simple).
Done with that for today.
[I lied, I'm not done. If you're struggling with eating disorders or disordered eating, please talk to someone about. That's the hardest part but trying to hide your issues will just bury you further and deeper into the ground. I know SECRECY is pretty much the biggest thing going on for people with these issues, but if you want to be FREE from all of this, the first step is to be courageous and tell a close and trusted friend/mentor].
Now I’m done.
Have a wonderful rest of the week!